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They say a good laugh does wonders for the soul. Here is one for the weekend. Basically, this guy breaks into a house with a pillow as his duffle bag and heads toward the entertainment center. He's stuffing in all the dvds, dvd player, etc.. And he hears this voice... "Jesus is watching you..." he turns around out of instinct, and quickly scans the dark room... nothing. So he went back to stealing more items.. then he hears it again.. "Jesus is watching you..." he grabs his flashlight and shines it across the room. He sees a bird in a cage, and he aims the light at him. The bird talks... "Jesus is watching you.." The robber stands up and walks over to the bird, he says "Oh your cute birdie, what's your name?" The bird replies, "Moses". The robber laughs, and says "Moses?!? What kind of people name their pet bird Moses?!?" Then the bird giggled a bit.... then replied- "The same people who name their rottweiler Jesu...

Living Will Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” She got up and unplugged the TV and threw out my beer. She’s such a bitch…